Mark 2:1-5 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. 4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
Jesus forgave the man and healed Him.
Mark 2:11,12 I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” 12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all.
As I have shared before in previous blogs…I have been chronically ill for a long time and it has been no easy road. I’ve had to deal with a lot of physical pain and suffering. When I had cancer I got a lot of empathy and many well wishers and prayers. But with this chronic illness that I’ve suffered with for the past 21 years the physical pain and limitations although very difficult at times does not compare to the pain that I’ve had from the loss of friends and the MANY negative comments that I’ve had questioning my faith in God.
When I think about the men in this story of the paralyzed man I get tears in my eyes. Oh… to have such caring and faithful friends is a treasure. These men got together to help a sick friend. There were not going to stop until they got him the help he needed.
A person will find out the character of their friends if they become sick. Are your friends true friends, acquaintances or just people who are in your space? Space occupying people can sometimes be very toxic to your soul (the inner you).
These friends of this paralytic man were men of compassion, kindness and great faith. They heard about Jesus and His ability to heal the sick and they had a lot of faith to make a traveling bed for their sick friend…carried Him to where Jesus was (who knows how far they had to travel)…fight through a large crowd…get a ladder…carry him up to the roof top….dig through the hardened mud and thatch to make a hole….get rope/vines to lower the man and believe that Jesus would heal their friend. Now those are friends!!! Praise God!
I have a friend who recently did this for me. No she did not cut a hole in a roof of a house…even if she could it would take 20 weight lifters to carry me up a ladder LOL! My special friend paid for me to see a specialist who might be able to help me (and he did thank God). She paid the whole cost for me to go out-of-state and the cost of the doctor as my insurance didn’t cover an out of network doctor. Now that is a cutting through the roof kind of friend.
Being a Christian and living with a chronic illness has been especially difficult because as Christians we believe in healing and many people’s thoughts about you when you’re sick for so long is that there must be a problem in your life. These types of thoughts and comments from others have been for me at times just as hurtful as the condition I suffer with. After all these years of dealing with this…I’ve learned that I must keep my eyes on the Lord, forgive people right away when they say such things and I pray for myself that God will strengthen me and help me stay positive. My hope is in Jesus Christ for grace, mercy and healing so I trust Him and that’s it. When people say that stuff to me it doesn’t bother me because I know they are in a certain mindset and they don’t know how to gently and compassionately minister to someone who is sick.
These are the kind of things I’ve had said to me by friends:
- Well you look good.
- You need to take some vitamins
- I think you’re just stressed
- Go shopping… take a walk.
- You need to lose some weight.
- It’s all in your head.
- Things could be worse.
These are things that have been said to me by some Church friends and even people I didn’t really know:
- You don’t have enough faith!
- You haven’t prayed right or enough.
- You must have some sin in your life.
- You have a generational curse.
- You’re not having an abundant life.
- You don’t know the word.
- You spoke this illness on yourself.
- You need to come to this healing service.
- You need to listen to my healing scripture CD.
- You need to press your way out to church.
- Demons are making you sick and causing your pain, rebuke them.
These are only a few of the things that have been said to me over the past 20 years and I tell you not one of these things said has ever helped me or made me feel better in fact it has been hurtful. It Feels to me like…..um…..spiritual bullying. And I say this because of what it feels like after they make these remarks.
There are two very simple things that others can do when confronting a person who is sick and it’s this: Be encouraging and pray for them!!! Also it would be nice if you do any of these this things, give a cards, flowers, a checkup phone call, a homemade meal, take them out for some fresh air or doctor’s appointments… anything kind sweet and caring. All the other comments and things are not needed at all. God is full of mercy and grace and is helping that person so all they need is…..your encouragement and prayers.
If the person is not a Christian then be a careful, loving and gentle witness to them. Invite them to church, leave them a tract and see if there is something you can do to help them. Be wise, discerning and sensitive about their situation.
We who are chronically ill are very sensitive because we are usually in pain, on a lot medication and have been through a lot. One day a close friend of mine came over my house and I was going through a lot of pain and discomfort and she sat with me and I cried in her arms. She just held me and prayed for me. I didn’t want her to wash dishes or anything….I just needed a friend and comfort at that moment and it helped me so much. I have never forgotten her act of compassion.
So you can see why the story of the paralyzed man really touches me. All his friends needed to do was to have compassion on Him and Jesus healed him. Be encouraging and pray is all that is truly needed.
Message for today: I feel some people (Not everyone…just some) would have more compassion for a wounded animal than a chronically ill Christian….I know…I’ve been through this…”Woof! Woof!”
Mathew 25:35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Sep 08, 2014 @ 05:02:14
I feel like I have been struggling alone for the most part with my illness, I to have been told hurtful things such as I not praying right or don’t talk about it because your accepting it. I have felt that I have no where to turn for encouragement except to God in prayer. Now of course this secret place is the best most important place to be but I would love someone who is a dear friend to talk to without the pressure of saying it all right. I woke up early (2:30am) and was praying to the Lord about this and he said look up “sickness and Christian friends ” and this is what it found. I really needed your words this morning. I am going to yet another doctor today to see if this doctor can help me. I have fibromyalgia (chronic pain) with feet, legs, and hamd cramps and numbness and doctors can’t figure out the cramps which are off the charts painful. And I myself have done everything natural that I have found out about and nothing seems to help. Please pray for me I do and would like a salutation. And yes people tell me just think positive and this will go away. ..hurtful
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Sep 08, 2014 @ 07:15:26
Hi Rebecca…I’m so sorry you are going are going through great times of pain and suffering. I too have fibro and I know how debilitating it can be. I would like to suggest a web group called Rest ministries. It’s a group of other Christians who are ill also. You are not alone! You can reach me on the sidebar on my blog and hopefully you will meet new friend at Rest ministries. It’s hard being sick and not having support. There are good fibro groups on Facebook also. Hang in there Rebecca!! God bless you!
Heavenly Father…Please heal Rebecca. Give her your strength, grace and peace. Thank you for all you’ve done for her. In Jesus name amen.
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Jan 20, 2012 @ 12:07:33
it’s Manuela by the way. My little picture was supposed to have my name on it!
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Jan 22, 2012 @ 21:14:41
I love your name!
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Jan 20, 2012 @ 12:05:43
Hope that comment went through.
I said- THANK YOU TANYA and that I do have a blog. It’s graced-all-over. blogspot.com… I’m sending you and email!
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Jan 22, 2012 @ 21:13:52
I will check out your blog. God bless!
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Jan 18, 2012 @ 15:59:28
I’m sending you a long-distance HUG, Tanya — I can’t believe the horrid things people say to one another, all in the name of being “nice.” To even think you would have wished such illness on yourself is downright mean! Only our loving Father could enable you to deal with such comments and remain faithful!
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Jan 18, 2012 @ 17:34:20
Thank you for the hug….yes…that one that I spoke illness on myself was a doosey. Those comments use to make me so sad. I thank God for for the help He has given me in learning the He is the only one I need to put my trust in. I wanted to write some of the public things people have done to me…but I won’t because they are too painful and it would not serve any purpose to share them. I’m so grateful for those experinces because I feel they have made me a stronger person and I know better how to minister to others who are sick.
I tell you…I will NOT let anyone talk like that to me. I won’t be rude…but I will stop them from talking to me and ask that they not go there…or I might say…oh I have to go now….but I know I will not take it!
To end on a positive note…there are so many compassionate people out there. I thank God for those who have continually lifted me up over all these years. A special shout out to my husband!! You’re the best!!!!!!!!!
Peace be with you Debbie.
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Jan 17, 2012 @ 14:37:39
Very encouraging post and something people need to read!
Mercy and compassion are everything and they are the heart of God’s love.
People don’t often put themselves in another’s shoes. That takes an act of God…
Sickness has taught me many things, mainly to rely on Christ more. That in turn causes me to have more compassion…
It is hurtful and frustrating when people say all kinds of hurtful things. Perhaps some people do so because they are struggling too and have gotten no compassion from others… and they don’t understand the depths of God’s compassion and love. I wish I would remember that when careless things are said. Sad to say, but there are many callous-hearted people out there. Jesus said he is sending us as sheep among wolves…
Also affliction has a way of making people un-calloused. So we who have been afflicted are truly blessed in that regard, If we embrace the lessons, and in turn we can be there for others in a truly understanding way.
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Jan 17, 2012 @ 17:37:27
You know Manuela you write so well you can do a blog. I love what you said and I can tell you understand what I’m saying. God bless you and keep you!
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 21:12:45
This is a heartfelt post my friend. I will certainly be lifting you up in my prayers because I understand chronic pain and have been dealing with it for some years now.
I stand in agreement with you as to how to handle such comments from people. May God show mercy upon those who speak negatively as you forgive; truly forgive. God bless and sustain you as you cope with your pain. Deliverance is yours whether it’s this life but it most definitely will be when you get to heaven taking on a new body.
Be comforted and strengthened in the Lord always. If you ever need a prayer about anything specific or would just like to talk, please feel free to email me anytime.
(( hugs ))
Terra
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 21:02:29
Dear Tanya, On behalf of myself and my friends who also suffer from chronic illnesses I want to thank you for this post. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and have for 30+ years, also have acute asthma, COPD and a few other things including 4 stents in my heart and I fully understand the pain of lost friends and those “meaningful” suggestions from Christian friends and non- Christian friends alike. Your suggestion for friends and others to encourage sick friends and pray for them is wonderful. As you know, all of us with chronic illnesses must pay doctors for treatments, and medicine. Our familes, if we are lucky enough to have one, may offer comfort but for others like myself there is no family so we must depend on friends and even strangers for comfort. Sadly, as you well know neither all friends nor strangers are always kind or thoughtful. You are wonderful to be able to forgive those whose words have hurt you. I wish I could say the same unfortunately, I have not always been able immediately to forgive those who spoke cruel words. There are times that it has taken me a long time for forgiveness to enter my heart and I thank God when it does because I know it is only though Him. Sadly, some of the pain has never gone totally away. So, I hope your words reach many ears and again I thank you for them.
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 13:18:08
You hit it right on the heat! I’ve had lupus and fibromyalgia for 17 years. Once I became ill many people who called themselves “friends” disappeared because I could no longer do the things they could. Thank you for writing this piece. It is always nice to know someone else who has walked in your moccasins.
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 13:41:48
I’m so glad you wrote that you are not the other Joyce M….Cause I was gonna ask..LOL So girl…lady…or as Jesus would say…woman you know what I am talking aboutthen!! I have not only walk in your moccasins…I’ve got the combat boots too!!!!!!
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 12:47:43
Hello Tanya! What an eye-opening and touching post! I can only imagine the difficulty of your situation. Thank you for forgiving those of us who have not been the example of Christian compassion and friendship that we should be. It is my prayer that this changes in all of us! Still praying for you! — Sebastian
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 13:38:18
Your words have really touched my heart! Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for the prayers too.
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 12:37:01
Thank you. I have a friend with fobromyalgia (I’m not sure how to spell it). Your blog help me see things through her eyes. I bet she could write the same things you did . People mean well, they just don’t stop to put themselves in your place. Blessings to you.
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Jan 14, 2012 @ 13:36:50
Thank you for you words and response. This is a hard place to be in…but I thank the Lord what I have learned throughout this long ordeal…hey that is another blog topic!! LOL
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