Happy Father’s Day God

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Happy Fathers day Father God! The best dad in and out of this world!

God Speaks I Listen


Dear Father God,

You mean more to me than I can express in words. I’m so glad that You decided to create me and give me life. You knew that I would be born a little less than perfect and that I would be born in disgusting sin so you made a way for my soul to be washed cleaned. When I was at my deepest and darkest sadness and so afflicted in my mind, you healed me so that I could think straight and not try to give back the gift of life that you gave me.

Father God…many have thought that I’m strange and many people have not liked me but you have always accepted me for me. I can’t tell you how much that has meant to me every single day. When I lost friends because I was chronically ill you enabled me to really understand that…

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SUICIDE Attempts By 12





What does it feel like to be 12 years old and want to die?

I know about this because it happened to me. The other day I read about an 10 year old boy who committed suicide. In his state of Ohio in 2017 one hundred and eleven people younger than 18 had killed themselves. I tried to think back and remember what I was feeling at that time. Bullying, parent problems and poor grades were the main reasons for my sadness. I can see now that there was some kid depression there also. I say kid depression because I think it presents different in kids than adults.
There was a hole in my heart were my soul, heart and life was leaking out of me. I felt that I was ALL ALONE with no one to talk to and no one who cared. As a child you don’t have the skills and knowledge in how to help yourself.
The night I tried to kill myself at 12 I was crying really hard. My heart was hurting and I was so sad. I was alone in my room. I keep hearing in my mind that I was a mistake to be alive and NOBODY loved me. I wanted the heart pain to stop. So I took and bunch of my prescription allergy pills. After I took a bunch of them I was scared and crying so I went downstairs to my parent’s room. I went back to my room and cried. I cried myself to sleep. The next morning when I woke up I was so angry that I was still alive.
How did I know about taking my own life at 12 years old? I never had any experience with it at all. Never knew anyone who had committed suicide but yet I knew I wanted to do that to myself. Other people would not have known how I was feeling deep inside. There were no obvious clues to my teachers, my neighbors or church. I only knew I needed an outlet for my pain and grief. The grief was from rejection. Rejection was very overwhelming to me. It hurt sooo bad. I internalized it.


Not only does bullying cause internal pain to the victim but it also causes fear and terror to torment them as well. It’s so destructive to a child or an adult. I have to add adult because as an adult I’m still getting bullied. And what also happens is that all the bullying that was ever done to me gets clumped together sometimes in my mind and I have to then deal with it all over again. As an adult I know what I have to do to shake the pain it causes, but as a kid you don’t have those skills so the pain just stays in your heart.
People are shocked and extremely pained when a child commits suicide. So the question is what can be done? I think some kids may cry out for help but most don’t so people around them have to look for clues. Even then it could be extremely hard to tell. Nobody really know what someone is feeling in their heart. There are parents who are tuned in with their kids and other parent just might not be able to discern their kid’s inner feelings. No one should feel guilty about other another person’s deep internal sorrow because people can really hide emotions.


Recently some kids who are hurting want to hurt others. (School shootings) This is a disturbing trend. I feel much of it is bought on by hurt feelings and depression. They internalize it like I did. They want to be violent with their pain and strike out at others so they justify their acts with their inner pain. So we need to figure out a way to reach children who are hurting emotionally.
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As for me….I’m so glad that I wasn’t successful. I have a wonderful husband, 6 great children and one granddaughter. God had plans for my life. I’ve shared my story of my road back from suicide and depression with sooo many people. Hopefully my story can save another’s life.  Psalms 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

After I finished writing this blog a few days ago the fashion designer Kate Spade committed suicide. Depression can be a killer disorder. Mental illness is a horrible and deadly disease. Let’s all pray for those who are afflicted with mental illness.


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Thinking About Our USA Military Men and Women… Our Brave soldiers

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Thank God for all those who have served and are serving our country.

God Speaks I Listen

2 Chronicles 32:8 With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.

Dearest United States Military,

I think about you all the time and pray for you. I also think about all our veterans who have already served. My dad who is 85 years old is a Navy veteran and He has been telling me His war stories and I’ve learned that it’s not easy going to war but that you do it for our country and for our freedom and the freedom of others.

Being a soldier takes training skill and facing many challenging circumstances.  Boot camp alone is the first big challenge.  I’ve seen many of my son’s friends go off to boot camp and they me tell how hard it is….but…

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The Holy Spirit and the Cross?

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holy spirit cross


When we reflect on Resurrection day or celebrate communion we think of God sending His only Son to die on the cross…but the Holy Spirit the third person of the trinity was present throughout Jesus time on earth and He was especially at the crucifixion. 
The power of the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, the holy Spirit was there when Jesus was baptized, the Holy spirit led Jesus into the wilderness, Jesus was anointed by the Holy Spirit to do miracles sign and wonders, the work of Christ on the cross was through the eternal Spirit. The Holy Spirit was involved in Jesus earthly life from beginning to the end. If Jesus needed the Holy Spirit throughout His life…so do we.
All 3 persons of God are so unique in our lives but they are uniquely one. Our God is like no other!! Boy am I glad I’m His child!!! I have an incredible Father!!!

Hebrew 9:14 How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!





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What should we do with Jesus?



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The chief priests and the elders were very busy accusing Jesus of being the king of the Jews. They bought Jesus to Governor Pilate and they tried to make him deal with the Jesus issue. After the people voted to save Barabbas and kill Jesus Pilate said this: Matthew 27:22 Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? The people answered Pilate: They all say unto him, Let him be crucified.
What will you do will Jesus?
That’s a deep question that we all need to ask ourselves. What should we do with Jesus Christ? Are we going to keep Him in our bible on a shelf or are we going to promote Jesus?
Do we put Jesus away most days and take Him out on Sundays and holidays?
What shall I do with Jesus which is called Christ?
I will worship Him!
I will thank Him.
I will love Him.
I will serve Him.
I will Obey Him.
I will talk to Him.
I will celebrate Him.
I will never forget Him… (And His sacrifice for me.)
I will wait for Him to return.

Pilate dissed Jesus! Pilate threw Jesus under the bus!  Pilate washed His hands of Jesus! 

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What should you do with Jesus? Promote Him!

I’m going to promote Jesus and spread the good news of the gospel to others for the rest of my life. People need Him so bad!!!  

Hard trials? Read this!

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Hard trials invading your life?…Maybe a blog I posted a while back might encourage you today. Hang in there!

God Speaks I Listen

Keep your eyes on me…I love you…I will give you peace. I WILL help you!! Keep your mind on me and…trust me!

Last week I went through a difficult situation that is still ongoing.  It’s very hard to get through ongoing difficult trials….but I have a secret for getting through them.  You can apply this to ANY situation you may go through!!  Here it is….. LOOK ATJESUS!!!,put your eyes andyour thoughts on Jesus, look at His face, let His name fill your mind and when you do this God is faithful to fill your mind with peace!  I did this and I’m doing this and I tell you….it works!  You have to do this yourself…you have to reach out to the Lord and focus on Him.  My situation is still ongoing… but I have peace.  As soon as I look at my situation… the situation becomes scary and…

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Resurrection Sunday Thoughts

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Reflecting on Christ death and the loving thing He did for us. Thank you Jesus!

God Speaks I Listen

resurrection sunday best

This true meaning of Resurrection day is:

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Jesus torture, death and resurrection services that we celebrate every April is a blessing because it’s a blessing to reflect on the details of this love provoked set of life changing events for the world. But I have a different way that I celebrate it.

This is my opinion and practice and I’m not pushing anyone to do what I do or I think how I think. I celebrate Jesus sacrificial act a few times a week by having communion by myself. I ask God to forgive me of any wrong doing…reflect with scripture and meditate on the course of events. Then I have Juice and bread. I also thank Jesus daily for what He did…

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