Why does God love you?





1 John 4:9-10 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.god-loves-you-2

Why should the most powerful, majestic and holy being in the entire universe love us lowly, sinful, little rugrats? (Rugrat is a small child who is learning to get around by crawling and eventually walking on their own. They are very short on social skills and are trying to grow and develop. They are rude, whinny and very temperamental and sometimes straight up bad. With time and good training they can mature and become a great asset to society.) I hope you’re not insulted that I called us rugrats but we are like young children to God and we have to spiritually grow up and mature.  We are created beings who sinned from our very beginning and who were disobedient, lied, cheated and killed. (Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel.) We all are sinners and fall far short of the holiness of God. But as bad and as flawed as we are our creator has crazy love for us!!! He surely doesn’t have to love us. But why does He?

If you see God only as starting in Genesis 1, you will not get the whole picture about how much God loves you. His love for us did not start with creation…it goes further back than that! If people understood this concept there would never be any abortions. Life doesn’t start in the womb…it starts in God’s mind! This is where the thought of our existence was first conceived by God’s love. God loved you before any of this thing called creation was solidified. We are not an after effect of 2 humans uniting. Nobody’s life is unplanned or unexpected. Nobody is a mistake or happened by accident. Romans 8:29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

Satan tries to get you to believe the lie that you’re nobody. He even tries to get you to believe in evolution or that there is no God so he can cover up God’s love for you. This is one of his greatest deceptions. The devil tries to get you to believe that God doesn’t love you because of all the struggles and turmoil’s in your life. It’s all lies I tell you it’s a lie!!!!!


I’ve been fed a lie?

Every year millions of kids are told a big lie that there’s a man name Santa Claus who will bring you good things. Let’s not forget about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny! Not only did we believe it ourselves, but we fed this lie it to our own children. You’re an adult now and although you were manipulated to believe these lies you now know the truth and nobody can ever get you to start believing in Santa Claus again. Well the devil feed us all a pack of lies our whole life until we got saved. We know the truth now but let’s get the whole truth which is just how much and why God’s loves us so much. Ephesians 1:4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love

You see when you know and understand how much God really loves you won’t be affected by life’s natural daily struggles. This is why Job said “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”( Job 13:15) He couldn’t have dealt with such tragedy if he was sure of God’s love for him.

1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So you see God had plans for you all along. These are good plans too. One day while in my deep prayer closet time with the Lord I asked Him why did He create us.   He asked me why did I want children. I told Him that I wanted someone to love that was a part of me and He said to me, that’s why I wanted children, I wanted someone to love that was a part of me”. Knowing God… I’m sure God has created many different galaxies and other beings. But I think that creating someone and calling them your children then coming up with a plan to redeem them made us more special than any other of His created beings.god-loves-you-5

I think God has a lot of feelings when it comes to you and me. He greatly humiliated Himself when He came down from Heaven in the form of a man and let the beings He created tortured Him and then murder Him. God put the 3rd person of the trinity in the people who accepted His Son Jesus so that He can be in constant communication with them. If that ain’t love I just don’t know what is!!!! He will also one day take away all of their sadness and wipe away all their tears!!! Then He makes a great home for them to live in and they will reign and rule with Him forever!!!

I never thought that anyone could love me this way. At first I didn’t know how to receive God’s love for me. I had been programed my whole life to be in a low self-esteem mode to the point of trying to commit suicide. I didn’t even let my husband love me back then. I just thought I was not worthy of that kind of love. But over time I began to feel the power of God’s love. The more I learned God’s word I began to understand why God really created me. I started to feel really special. I now go around saying to myself….”I’m God’s girl”!!! I know this full well now!


Psalm 139:13 -14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God even reassures us that nothing will remove His love for us…. Romans 8:37-38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Now this is some really deep love. We haven’t even always acted right ya’ll! You know we must get on God’s nerves sometimes but nothing…I said nothing will ever separate us from this love from our Father God! This is why Jesus and the Holy Spirit is working overtime to get us to live a holy life in preparation for eternity with the Father. God thought of everything!


In light of the holiness of God that can bring on the wrath of God if you have not accepted the gift of God which is JESUS…you can tell just how much God loves us. Read these scriptures and see what we were spared from.

(Nahum 1:2-6) 2The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on his foes and vents his wrath against his enemies. 3The Lord is slow to anger but great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet.4He rebukes the sea and dries it up; he makes all the rivers run dry. Bashan and Carmel wither and the blossoms of Lebanon fade. 5The mountains quake before him and the hills melt away. The earth trembles at his presence, the world and all who live in it. 6Who can withstand his indignation? Who can endure his fierce anger? His wrath is poured out like fire; the rocks are shattered before him.

(John 3:16) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8 makes me wanna cry….” But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” It makes me wanna cry out for joy! Jesus death was a demonstration of God’s love for me! He not only loved me but did something to prove it. A powerful God humiliated Himself because He loves me so. And He saved me from ever experiencing the wrath of God! Now that is really powerful!!!god-loves-you-4

This is what makes me want to get on my face before the throne of God and kiss His feet for the rest of my life. Sometimes I just randomly just start crying because I’m overwhelmed that God loves me that much.

God loves me because He is love as it says in the bible. 1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. God is love and when I die I’m going to experience the incredible full blast power of this love on me. I feel a microscopic amount of this now…can you imagine feeling 100% of God’s love? This is why I’m not worrying about my mom and brother who is with the Lord in heaven receiving all that goodness right now. I’m so happy for them.

I really hope that my blog today in some small way has helped you ponder the love that God has for you. I feel this is so important in a Christian’s life and can motivate you to make your life a living sacrifice to God for His kingdom.

Ephesians 2:4-5 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. THANK YOU GOD FOR YOUR WONDERFUL  AMAZING GRACE AND FOR YOUR GREAT LOVE FOR US!






The Holiness of God and my walk with Him





1 Samuel 2:2 There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.

To try to understand the holiness of God on your own is like trying to hold water with your hands. It’s like trying to understand the trinity…it just makes your brain work overtime. To understand some of the bibles mysterious information you have to have the Holy Spirit and study the bible. (1 Corinthians 2:10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.) We need to get some understanding about the holiness of God because this is how we will see and experience God in our lives now and this is how we will see God face to face one day.




Recently when I was in my prayer closet time with God I could sense a small drop of His holiness and I became terrified of it. (Psalms 33:8 Let all the earth fear the LORD: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.) I told God that I was scared of His holiness and I really am! I experienced a little of His greatness for a brief moment and I really couldn’t deal with it because of dread. The dread comes from seeing my own heart in light of God’s holiness. This experience also shows me another side of God and that is of His love and grace for which I’m so grateful for. It’s amazing to me that a being with so much power can also be so loving and caring. Look how man acts with a microscopic amount of power.

We humans can’t get the scope of God’s holiness because our own world seems so large to us and we can’t see much beyond it.

God has MANY attributes but His holiness to me is the most magnificent part of His character. It’s played a major role in humanities creation, separation and salvation.gods-holiness-4

There is a movie called Avatar and in the movie the two lead characters were experiencing a touching moment. They were from 2 different cultures/worlds. As the man was dying he looked at the being a woman and said “I see you” She looked at him and she said to the man “I see you”. That meant that they could see each other’s true inner selves. I can really see and experience God in unusual ways in prayer. I too have told God “I see you”. I see Him in my spirit. It’s during these deep times of prayer that I see more of God than at other times but it doesn’t last long. I can’t hold on to it, again it’s like holding water in my hands. So I depend on the word of God…His holy book.  My bible study updates and refreshes me.

The holiness of God makes me so grateful to Jesus. He took on our sin so that we would no longer be an enemy of God. Jesus helps us to live a holy life now and one day He will present us faultless before our holy God. Just writing these precious words does not give it the glory that Jesus act of love and sacrifice deserves. 2 Timothy 1:9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life–not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,


If I want to see the power of God in my life I need to be holy!! My heart has got to be clean! I need to be right with God! God commands that we be holy like He is. 1 Peter 1:16 because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy

Everything that affects us humans is a result of the holiness of God. People have cheapened the word holy by using in phrases like holy cow, holy moly, holy smoke and so on. Man describes the word holy as being set apart, deity, consecrated, hallowed, sanctified, sacred, separateness and divine. I see the word holy like this…. backing up in time and before the creation of the earth and imagining in your mind an awesome being who always existed and who is so unique that there is nothing to compare Him with. Ephesians 1:4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love. Our lives began way back before creation and His existence goes back into infinity. When you are so glorious, majestic and powerful that you refer to yourself  as “I AM”… I just have to say…..WOW!


God is a spirit being that has great powers to be able to create universes, people, others beings and billions of other unique things. He is so perfect and has never done anything wrong because He is so very holy. Nobody can even see Him unless they are holy…100% clean.   Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

The whole concept of God being holy can’t possibly be easy for us to understand in our natural state. We need the power of the words from the holy bible, the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit and the blood of Jesus to get this knowledge and understanding into our spiritman. Job 11:7 Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?

Right now we see God through the fullness of Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. But one day soon we will able to partake, experience and enjoy God’s full holiness!!! Revelation 22:4 They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. I think about this all the time. It helps me get through life’s difficulties to have this blessed hope in my heart and mind.

We must ponder on the holiness of God whose image we were made in and what he’s requiring us to be like. Holiness is who God our father is. This is a really big thing! It puts who we are and how we are to be in total perspective. Our lives are all about God. We are supposed to be like our creator….holy. How can we possibly do this if we don’t try to understand the holiness of God? My pray for you today is that you will be able to say to God in your prayer time….”I see you”.



I see you God….I see you!!!!!

Who is hating on you and why?





God is a spirit!  We have a spirit!  We were made in the image of our Father God!



Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Oh my Lord! What a privilege it is to be made into the image of God. He is the I Am! Holy and set apart. I’ve been adopted into His family. I’m so scared of who He is, His holiness because I recognize His power and authority… but at the same time I know He loves me so very much and that everything in my life is being done for my BEST interest!


We will be transformed like His glorious body!! Philippians 3:21



Philippians 3:20-21 But our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who by the power that enables Him to subject all things to Himself, will transform our lowly bodies to be like His glorious body.

So… we have a spirit like God AND our bodies are going  to be transformed to be like Him also. WOW!



See that smug proud look on satan’s face.  God HATES that!!


Now lucifer knew what God was planning for mankind so he got really arrogant. Isaiah 14:13-14  You said in your heart, “I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon. 14 I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” You see satan thought he was all that and a bag of chips! God so doesn’t like prideful thinking at all!


When lucifer realized that we were going to be created he came up with a big plan of attack. Hebrews 1:14 Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation? satan didn’t want to serve us…he wanted to be served!

He wants us to crash and burn. He wants us to shove God’s gift of salvation back at him. Satan has been trying to get us to reject God’s gift of Jesus Christ for a great part of our lives but the Holy Spirit kept revealing Jesus to us. We all finally broke down and accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior when we realized our empty, sorrowful and sinful heart needed so much more.   We found that relief, peace, joy, love and forgiveness through Jesus.

satan hates me and you!!! He tries to get us to shame God. satan also doesn’t want us to share the good news of Jesus Christ. I know he doesn’t want me to share how to get a closer walk with God with you all. satan also doesn’t want you to know about his sly tricks to deceive you. He wants you ignorant to who he really is.


He also wants us to hate each other. We need to stop judging the sinner and recognize who the real enemy and trouble maker. We are supposed to be trying to help the sinner, show them love and shine our light so they can follow the light to Jesus. We’ve gotten use to focusing on the different types of sin to the point that we have ignored our true calling to make disciples.  We must passionately go after the lost. Satan’s got his plans and we’ve all got to get with God’s plans.

Do you know why satan hates us so?

  1. We have a soul and a spirit! He doesn’t have those!
  2. We are going to reign and rule with the Lord.
  3. We all are more special to God than the angels.
  4. We were bought with a price. We are redeemed and He can never be!
  5. God Himself came down and saved us.(Emanuel-God with us)
  6. God pays us a lot of attention!
  7. The Holy Spirit lives in us.
  8. God calls us His children and we are.
  9. He is identified as our Abba Father Abba is a relationship based word meaning daddy.
  10. God loves the mess out of us!!!!!! ( John 3:16)


This relation with God could not be any closer for a child of God than this.

Do we really know and understand this unique relationship of being adopted into God’s family? Shouldn’t we be going all out for our Father God? Should I be trying to work my butt off for the kingdom? Shouldn’t I know how to put satan in his place because of what Jesus has already accomplished for me on the cross? (The how is to put on the whole amour of God)

3 things I really need to be accomplishing in my life:

  1. I need to work at getting my faith at a premium level by filling up on God’s word.
  2. I need to take advantage of the 24 hour a day 7 days a week access I have to God.
  3. Making sure I have on the whole armor of God.



This is the time for all who call themselves a Christian to be 100% one! 99 ½ won’t do in these days and times.  We must be deeply committed to the Lord and to the work for the kingdom of God. People are being plucked from this earth at an alarming rate. Tragedy and catastrophic events are increasing. We are all in the path of storms and we need Jesus in our boat. The forecast has been issued and the hurricane has been named. Hurricane satan. He is coming ashore and will land in your town soon. Be ready, be vigilant and have your amour on.

This blog today is not to scare you but to give you the heads up on where all the evil and hate is coming from. I’ve share how it started and where we can go from here.

God has a great plan for our lives! We ARE blessed! Meditate on the following scripture.

Ephesians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—











P.S.- I don’t capitalize satan name because he doesn’t get that honor from me!!

Terrorism…Thank you Lord!




Thank you Lord for your protection!!!

Thank you Lord!

This week’s terror attacks were not successful and I thank the Lord for answering the prayers of protection. I have and I’m sure many intercessors and people have been praying for safety for our country. Even though some people were injured…nobody was killed. It was said from the media that there were a lot of “lucky things” that happened where things planned from the terrorist were thwarted.

I know that God answered prayer! We must continue to pray! We must not be afraid but boldly go before the throne and ask God for His protection. We must stand up for what is right and humble ourselves so that God will hear our prayers.

I just want to thank God today for people and the police finding so many bombs. I thank God for the 2 policemen not being seriously injured. I thank God that they found the suspect before he could do anything else. I thank God that nobody got killed in New York, New Jersey and in Minnesota.   I thank the Lord for protecting us all every hour of every day. Thank you Lord! Thank you!

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”





Boasting about my infirmities

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Yeah right! I’m supposed to be happy about all the mess I’m going through and then brag about it? How the heck can that happen? I‘ll share with you what God has taught me.

Recently I had to consider my life during a very difficult and frustrating situation and I had to find my peace in it. So I wrote a blog…”I suffer from a chronic illness”. I had to figure out what to think when God says no or wait to a prayer request. I’ve learned through my situation that I truly love God like mad even in my pain and suffering and delayed answer to prayer!!!!


God’s blessing has to be able to fit everyone’s weakness across the board. You can be blessed in whatever economic or physical situation you may find yourself in. When we find ourselves in these situations are we feeling blessed in it? This is why Paul felt at peace in prison. I know we can feel peaceful when all is well with us but can we all find peace in our prison time? Can we find the strength of endurance and a place of contentment during hard trials or tragedy? Our answer should be yes. The Gospel works for all of Gods children at all times every single day of the year and in all situations!!!

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Happy times and bad times God made them!


God can and does perform the most incredible miracles and I’m always hopeful and thankful for those blessings. But we must consider that God ordains the good and the bad in our lives. It says in Ecclesiastic 7:14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.

I’m a soloist and my favorite song to sing is…“It is well with my soul”. I sing this song with great faith and because I’m happy in my spirit regardless of my current my situation. I know that Jesus lives in me and so everything’s alright.

If you are not able to sing that song with assurance…

  1. You must study God’s word more deeply
  2. Pray more intensely and really abide with God
  3. Expect some good old fashion trials/weaknesses from God to get you to the place of trusting that His promises are true and to bring Him glory.

EVERYTHING that goes on in our lives…God knows all about it. Joseph in the bible was thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, lied on, but in all he went through he remained steadfast in his God. So did Daniel and, Meshach and Abednego! All of Jobs kids died, He lost everything including his health. God ordained all these weaknesses and Gods glory shone brightly through each and every one of these saints! These men all remained steadfast in there weakness.

Steadfast means staying firm and unwavering in the core of your being or soul no matter what the circumstances. 1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

The Apostle Paul was severely beaten, robbed, shipwrecked, starved and went through a whole bunch of other dilemmas.

2 Corinthians 11:30 If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

                             WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

I can give my testimony about my troubles because in doing so I’m exposing the greatness of God. It reveals how the Lord bought me through my circumstances and for all the victories He’s given me. So it’s not about me it’s about Gods awesomeness!!! Not my shortcomings but Gods overcoming’s!!!!!!

This is the meaning of – 2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.


I’m not going to say…”bring on the weaknesses so I can give God glory” but when trouble comes…I will make good use of it and I will never fail to give God the glory He deserves when He sees me through it.


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Jesus trip to earth was no vacation!

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no vacation


So… this is a kinda of strange blog today but there is a point to it so bare with me here.

God asked Jesus to do something for Him. It would be and understatement to say this was a really big request.  Jesus agreed to do it because He had seen the future. Jesus saw you and me and our need for salvation. His love for us and obedience to His Father was His motive for His earthly trip.no vacation 1

Jesus was conscious in Mary’s womb. He knew where He was and He knew why He was there. Jesus suffering began when He was in that womb. He had been glorified and was at His Father’s side and now here He was in a human woman’s womb. Jesus was in the body of a sinner in which He would in time save her from her sins. This ordeal of being born was a little humiliating for the Son of God. But Emanuel came!!!

Jesus spent 9 months a dark place in this woman’s body and then one day He was squeezed out, cleaned off and introduced to the world in a dirty barn wrapped in rags. He had to receive nourishment the old fashion way! (And you know what I mean)  The Son of God! A no vacation 7king! He had to have His diapers changed…well it wasn’t a cute little Pamper… it was more rags! As a little boy and He may have ran and fell, maybe skinned His knees. Maybe He got stung by a bee. And oh yeah… He did have to get potty trained too. Yes…Our wonderful Savior…the King of Kings!

As a kid I’m sure Jesus had chores to do and ran errands for His earthy parents. He even got into trouble with them once and got scolded for running off to church without telling anyone. Yup…the Messiah! I wonder what Jesus thought about all these very humbling experiences? After all He was God! Was this uncomfortable or embarrassing for Him to endure? And this wasn’t even the worst part of His story yet.no vacation 4

Poor Jesus was led to go on another trip out to a desolate place for about a month and 10 days with no food!!! There was no Dunkin Donuts or MacDonald’s anywhere in the area! Not even a goat or a well! Can you imagine no refreshments for miles around?  Jesus no vacation 3went through this for many days. I wonder what He did every day. What did He think about? He had no Wi-Fi…no TV and no one to talk to except the nastiest creature in the universe to talk to and be bullied by.   My Lord!

Jesus healed many people but He cried when He saw that even though He performed many miracles people still doubted Him. People didn’t really take Him seriously. He also saw people trying to jack up His Father’s house and He got really emotional about it!  Jesus had to go buck wild on them! He experienced people lying on Him and was talked about by back stabbers. Many people kissed up to Jesus just to get something from Him. They weren’t interested in being His real friend. Thank goodness He had His own crew but even they were shaky at times.  They had to be His friend on the down low! When the mess hit the fan they all left Him high and dry!  Jesus was all alone…no earthy support! They dissed the Messiah!!!

Then the whole thing with the plot to kill Jesus and the actual murder! That was “breaking news” all over town. Jesus got no justice at that time!! If that was today that would have been on CNN and blown up all over Facebook for sure!! Oh the Prince of peace!

I bring all of this up because Jesus didn’t just suffer on the cross. He suffered the entire time He was away from heaven and down here with us. Jesus suffered for 33 years! His whole earthly life.  After He was almost finished His work here on earth He asked the Father to give Him back His glory. He didn’t even wait until He got back home.Can you blame Him? Why would the God of the entire universe reduce Himself to a human form? That alone had to be a hard pill to swallow! I just can’t imagine how hard this all was for Jesus…Emanuel… God with us.

When I meditate on why Jesus did this….it just lets me know just what kind of God He is! No other god could or would do what He did for humanity. God is holy and things down here on earth are not. He wanted to come this unholy place and do this for you and me. Do you know how special that makes me feel? I can’t even express to you what I feel in my heart about it. Just know as I write this that tears are flowing down my face and I just have no words. I will personally try to show Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit how grateful I am with my body, mind and spirit. I will make myself a living sacrifice and try to tell people, show people and sing about God’s goodness and love for us.

I know Jesus had some good times and some great memories here on earth, but I know He suffered just having to be down here and I will take my communion often and I will never forget all the mess He went through for my benefit… and yours. The big take away here is that….GOD LOVES THE MESS OUT OF US!!!!! For real!!!!!! Meditate on that today and see how you feel after you’ve chewed on that for a while. You’re Gods girl!….You’re Gods guy! You are Gods Child! You are so loved!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.



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Lord help us to understand the depth of your love for us!

I suffer from a chronic illness





I’ve always known that I was…”different”.  I was born…”tired”. I could handle it as a child because I had regular youthful energy but everything always took a great deal of effort. By the time I was 12 years old I started having various aches and pains. At 18 I couldn’t keep a job for long because of the fatigue. I’d gone to numerous doctors for help about the fatigue and various pains but to no avail. They all said…stress, depression, hysterical syndrome, conversion disorder, PMS, menopause and panic disorder. Pills and counseling were the doctors’ orders so I did that.

In 1989 I lost 100lbs and gave up sugar to which I was so addicted to and all hell broke loose in my body. I was watching TV with my kids when I felt like I was going to black out.  I felt like I was having a stroke. I went to the ER that day in an ambulance and they said it was allergies. Next ambulance trip to the ER they said it was panic disorder. I’ve lost count at how many ER’s and hospitals I’ve been to. I’ve seen at least over 100 doctors and specialist. I had major surgery to fix the problem and 27 years later I’m still having these very frightening and horrifying episodes. They have caused me to have permanent muscle weakness and constant pain from suffering with this for so long. I was diagnosed with a rare disorder called Periodic Paralysis about 8 years ago.

Have I prayed about this? Heck yeah!! I’ve had many people praying for me and I pray constantly for myself. So today I thought I would write a blog on how it feels to be sick for so long and praying for God for help yet still no healing. Just to let you know in advance the ending to this earthly story has not happened yet but my heavenly ending has been written so I can say it is well with my soul.

When the first episode happened to me I fervently sought the Lord. I have never stopped asking God to heal me. So today I’m sitting here in my bed typing this and I’m wondering how can I still be going through this for all these years? Almost every day feels like my last because of the severity of the symptoms. God has NOT given me an answer or explanation about what’s going on with me and He doesn’t have to either.

So where does this leave me? I can tell you that I’m not mad or angry with God for me still being sick. How can this be? Because before I got sick I had developed a really great relationship with Father God through deep prayer and bible study. I KNOW that my Father God knows what’s best for me. I have to admit though that I truly don’t understand the very long delay in the manifestation of my healing. I’ve asked for help and I’ve gotten the same answer every time. The answer is “my grace is sufficient for you”.   When God first revealed this answer to me early in my illness I was like “that ain’t working for me Lord… give me some more info!”  As I matured in the Lord, I realized that this is the greatest answer and I truly get it from Gods perspective. Without God’s grace I would have truly succumbed to my situation physically and emotionally.

Still as I feel so sick even as I’m writing this never knowing if these are my last moments on earth I ask myself if I’m alright with this? I’ll let Jesus answers this one for me: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42. I’m truly with Jesus on this one!  I’m surely NOT comparing my suffering with Jesus suffering but God included this scripture in the bible of Jesus prayer in anticipation of the suffering He was about to face. Even when Jesus was in the midst of His many hours of tremendously painful suffering He cried out this to His Father: …“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?Matthew 27:46  Jesus was in such great agony emotionally and physically. God didn’t have to reveal this very vulnerable time in Jesus suffering but He did. God knew that I needed to know this!

Now I want to say here that God has healed me many times over. I thank the Lord for all the healings that basically happens every day as I suffer daily.  I get the victory and another day to give Him praise and glory through my life of total devotion to Him.  God has healed me of many major illnesses also including cancer.  I want you to know that I always give a testimony about how God is bringing me through this thing called…suffering.  I’ve made pamphlets on the different illnesses and trials I’ve suffered through and I describe how God has bought me through each one victoriously.  I give them to everyone I meet and leave them everywhere I think someone will read it.  I’m trying to work for the Lord anyway I can.  Use me Lord even in this condition!

If God is allowing me to still suffer from the rare disorder that I have, then I too say what Jesus said “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” I don’t like being sick and the way I’m feeling right now…I’m human…this hurts….it’s uncomfortable and it’s really scary!  There are many biblical examples of people who have suffered greatly including Jesus Christ. But in the core of my being…I know that God has His reasons and purposes for all this suffering. I trust Him no matter what! And boy do I have the “what”!

In order to stay encouraged and in the right frame of mind I keep these two scriptures very close to my heart and mind:

  1. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
  2. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I’m so comforted to know that even when I don’t know how to pray for myself Holy Spirit will get a message to God for me.   Let me tell you He does it a lot for me too!  Romans 8: 26-28 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I’m gonna be real honest here…I don’t like this kind of suffering and I just don’t understand it! I do understand receiving grace to get through it. So since I understand about grace …when I receive it I will hold on to my grace like crazy!  I will remind myself that the Holy Spirit is inside of me and is helping me to overcome my difficulties. I know the advantage of being a Christian is that supernatural strength is available and is given to me so I can bare up under this kind of heavy suffering. Not everyone is going to suffer to this degree and there are many who will suffer much more than me…but if you do have to go through this my advice is to know God intimately and know His word!!!! Nothing else that I know of can help you get through an extremely painful and debilitating medical condition or any kind of heavy trial for that matter. Some people are just strong by nature and can make it through, but many more are not and need divine intervention.  Oh God have mercy on us! Please!

Many years ago my baby was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. He was completely disabled. God told me He was going to give me a miracle if I would trust Him. I told Him that I would but it was not an instant healing. It took 18 years to complete. Sometimes God is slow in answering prayer and sometimes He heals instantly. So this is the big take away here….Never  ever give up hope!!!   

We have choices in the matter of being sick and needing a healing. We can choose not to be bitter, pitiful and completely bombed out about our situation to the point of losing our will to live or we can endure with Gods help and strength.

Let me tell you about 2 godly women who through their great physical suffering endured with grace. They were my mom and mother-in-law. They both suffered from different debilitating illnesses but I witness them praising God to the end. My mom was in so much pain her last year of life and all I heard her say was how much she loved Jesus. As she was being rushed to the hospital on her last day on earth she told our family to take care of each other. She was in great pain and was suffering from a massive stroke as she managed to mouth those precious words. My mom read her bible and talked to God every day!!! She served others in every possible way and was always giving people money and things. When she needed God in the greatest time of suffering God was there for her and she knew it. She moaned a lot in pain but God through the power of the Holy Spirit gave her the grace she need to make it though to the end.

Nobody gets an easy pass in life for suffering! Yes some people have very little suffering in their lifetime and others endure tragedy after tragedy. The way that Jesus was killed and the way that the apostle Paul was killed was so horrendous. Who can ever figure out why God would ordain this? We definitely won’t know in this lifetime but we will know for sure when we get to heaven. Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown. Revelation 2:10

For right now we need to be secure in this fact: And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelations 21:3-4

So now that I’ve written this blog today because of my own suffering…I have to say I feel much more encouraged. I needed to write this and I know I’ll go back and read it again and again. I needed to write this blog for me!!! It’s my private struggle with suffering from a chronic illness but I wanted to share my struggle openly because I know I’m not alone in this battle. Maybe you might want to share a scripture that has given you strength or something that really gave you encouragement during a great time of suffering. Feel free to comment below.

“Father God…I thank you for my life and for reaching out to me to accept your gift of salvation. Thank you for all the healings you give me every day and that’s why I’m still here. God I need a healing from this disease that I’m suffering with right now. My hope is in you oh Lord! I’m also asking for a healing for anyone who is reading my blog today. Oh God we need your grace and we need our bodies healed. God we truly thank you for Holy Spirit who is there when we can’t even speak or pray through our pain and He lets you know the cries of our heart. Lord as we study your word help us to hide it in our heart and so we can be strengthened by it daily.

Lord some of us are so sick and weak so we lift those precious people up in prayer right now. For those of us who feel like we are going to faint….strengthen us. Lord please lead our friends and family members to be patient, gentle and encouraging towards us as we wait to be healed. Father God… as defeated as we may feel at times we are still looking to you for our help. Those of us who need to see doctors and specialist please guide all medical staff to be kind to us and disperse the right treatment for our care. We all thank you for giving us daily victories and we look forward to the day that you deliver us completely from our pain and give us the greatest reward of seeing your face and being in your arms forever. In Jesus name Amen!”

2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. There are GREAT things planned for our eternal future!!! Be encouraged today!


sick 1

The Lord is My Shepherd! I depend on Him when I’m sick! I know He’ll see me through! Thank you Jesus!




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