I suffer from a chronic illness





I’ve always known that I was…”different”.  I was born…”tired”. I could handle it as a child because I had regular youthful energy but everything always took a great deal of effort. By the time I was 12 years old I started having various aches and pains. At 18 I couldn’t keep a job for long because of the fatigue. I’d gone to numerous doctors for help about the fatigue and various pains but to no avail. They all said…stress, depression, hysterical syndrome, conversion disorder, PMS, menopause and panic disorder. Pills and counseling were the doctors’ orders so I did that.

In 1989 I lost 100lbs and gave up sugar to which I was so addicted to and all hell broke loose in my body. I was watching TV with my kids when I felt like I was going to black out.  I felt like I was having a stroke. I went to the ER that day in an ambulance and they said it was allergies. Next ambulance trip to the ER they said it was panic disorder. I’ve lost count at how many ER’s and hospitals I’ve been to. I’ve seen at least over 100 doctors and specialist. I had major surgery to fix the problem and 27 years later I’m still having these very frightening and horrifying episodes. They have caused me to have permanent muscle weakness and constant pain from suffering with this for so long. I was diagnosed with a rare disorder called Periodic Paralysis about 8 years ago.

Have I prayed about this? Heck yeah!! I’ve had many people praying for me and I pray constantly for myself. So today I thought I would write a blog on how it feels to be sick for so long and praying for God for help yet still no healing. Just to let you know in advance the ending to this earthly story has not happened yet but my heavenly ending has been written so I can say it is well with my soul.

When the first episode happened to me I fervently sought the Lord. I have never stopped asking God to heal me. So today I’m sitting here in my bed typing this and I’m wondering how can I still be going through this for all these years? Almost every day feels like my last because of the severity of the symptoms. God has NOT given me an answer or explanation about what’s going on with me and He doesn’t have to either.

So where does this leave me? I can tell you that I’m not mad or angry with God for me still being sick. How can this be? Because before I got sick I had developed a really great relationship with Father God through deep prayer and bible study. I KNOW that my Father God knows what’s best for me. I have to admit though that I truly don’t understand the very long delay in the manifestation of my healing. I’ve asked for help and I’ve gotten the same answer every time. The answer is “my grace is sufficient for you”.   When God first revealed this answer to me early in my illness I was like “that ain’t working for me Lord… give me some more info!”  As I matured in the Lord, I realized that this is the greatest answer and I truly get it from Gods perspective. Without God’s grace I would have truly succumbed to my situation physically and emotionally.

Still as I feel so sick even as I’m writing this never knowing if these are my last moments on earth I ask myself if I’m alright with this? I’ll let Jesus answers this one for me: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42. I’m truly with Jesus on this one!  I’m surely NOT comparing my suffering with Jesus suffering but God included this scripture in the bible of Jesus prayer in anticipation of the suffering He was about to face. Even when Jesus was in the midst of His many hours of tremendously painful suffering He cried out this to His Father: …“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?Matthew 27:46  Jesus was in such great agony emotionally and physically. God didn’t have to reveal this very vulnerable time in Jesus suffering but He did. God knew that I needed to know this!

Now I want to say here that God has healed me many times over. I thank the Lord for all the healings that basically happens every day as I suffer daily.  I get the victory and another day to give Him praise and glory through my life of total devotion to Him.  God has healed me of many major illnesses also including cancer.  I want you to know that I always give a testimony about how God is bringing me through this thing called…suffering.  I’ve made pamphlets on the different illnesses and trials I’ve suffered through and I describe how God has bought me through each one victoriously.  I give them to everyone I meet and leave them everywhere I think someone will read it.  I’m trying to work for the Lord anyway I can.  Use me Lord even in this condition!

If God is allowing me to still suffer from the rare disorder that I have, then I too say what Jesus said “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” I don’t like being sick and the way I’m feeling right now…I’m human…this hurts….it’s uncomfortable and it’s really scary!  There are many biblical examples of people who have suffered greatly including Jesus Christ. But in the core of my being…I know that God has His reasons and purposes for all this suffering. I trust Him no matter what! And boy do I have the “what”!

In order to stay encouraged and in the right frame of mind I keep these two scriptures very close to my heart and mind:

  1. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
  2. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

I’m so comforted to know that even when I don’t know how to pray for myself Holy Spirit will get a message to God for me.   Let me tell you He does it a lot for me too!  Romans 8: 26-28 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I’m gonna be real honest here…I don’t like this kind of suffering and I just don’t understand it! I do understand receiving grace to get through it. So since I understand about grace …when I receive it I will hold on to my grace like crazy!  I will remind myself that the Holy Spirit is inside of me and is helping me to overcome my difficulties. I know the advantage of being a Christian is that supernatural strength is available and is given to me so I can bare up under this kind of heavy suffering. Not everyone is going to suffer to this degree and there are many who will suffer much more than me…but if you do have to go through this my advice is to know God intimately and know His word!!!! Nothing else that I know of can help you get through an extremely painful and debilitating medical condition or any kind of heavy trial for that matter. Some people are just strong by nature and can make it through, but many more are not and need divine intervention.  Oh God have mercy on us! Please!

Many years ago my baby was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. He was completely disabled. God told me He was going to give me a miracle if I would trust Him. I told Him that I would but it was not an instant healing. It took 18 years to complete. Sometimes God is slow in answering prayer and sometimes He heals instantly. So this is the big take away here….Never  ever give up hope!!!   

We have choices in the matter of being sick and needing a healing. We can choose not to be bitter, pitiful and completely bombed out about our situation to the point of losing our will to live or we can endure with Gods help and strength.

Let me tell you about 2 godly women who through their great physical suffering endured with grace. They were my mom and mother-in-law. They both suffered from different debilitating illnesses but I witness them praising God to the end. My mom was in so much pain her last year of life and all I heard her say was how much she loved Jesus. As she was being rushed to the hospital on her last day on earth she told our family to take care of each other. She was in great pain and was suffering from a massive stroke as she managed to mouth those precious words. My mom read her bible and talked to God every day!!! She served others in every possible way and was always giving people money and things. When she needed God in the greatest time of suffering God was there for her and she knew it. She moaned a lot in pain but God through the power of the Holy Spirit gave her the grace she need to make it though to the end.

Nobody gets an easy pass in life for suffering! Yes some people have very little suffering in their lifetime and others endure tragedy after tragedy. The way that Jesus was killed and the way that the apostle Paul was killed was so horrendous. Who can ever figure out why God would ordain this? We definitely won’t know in this lifetime but we will know for sure when we get to heaven. Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown. Revelation 2:10

For right now we need to be secure in this fact: And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelations 21:3-4

So now that I’ve written this blog today because of my own suffering…I have to say I feel much more encouraged. I needed to write this and I know I’ll go back and read it again and again. I needed to write this blog for me!!! It’s my private struggle with suffering from a chronic illness but I wanted to share my struggle openly because I know I’m not alone in this battle. Maybe you might want to share a scripture that has given you strength or something that really gave you encouragement during a great time of suffering. Feel free to comment below.

“Father God…I thank you for my life and for reaching out to me to accept your gift of salvation. Thank you for all the healings you give me every day and that’s why I’m still here. God I need a healing from this disease that I’m suffering with right now. My hope is in you oh Lord! I’m also asking for a healing for anyone who is reading my blog today. Oh God we need your grace and we need our bodies healed. God we truly thank you for Holy Spirit who is there when we can’t even speak or pray through our pain and He lets you know the cries of our heart. Lord as we study your word help us to hide it in our heart and so we can be strengthened by it daily.

Lord some of us are so sick and weak so we lift those precious people up in prayer right now. For those of us who feel like we are going to faint….strengthen us. Lord please lead our friends and family members to be patient, gentle and encouraging towards us as we wait to be healed. Father God… as defeated as we may feel at times we are still looking to you for our help. Those of us who need to see doctors and specialist please guide all medical staff to be kind to us and disperse the right treatment for our care. We all thank you for giving us daily victories and we look forward to the day that you deliver us completely from our pain and give us the greatest reward of seeing your face and being in your arms forever. In Jesus name Amen!”

2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. There are GREAT things planned for our eternal future!!! Be encouraged today!


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The Lord is My Shepherd! I depend on Him when I’m sick! I know He’ll see me through! Thank you Jesus!








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Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”



Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.forgiveness

A friend of my husband and I wrote a poem that really touched me. He wrote a poem about his x-wife that he divorced many years ago. He said it took time to get to this wonderful place of forgiveness. I myself had to learn this lesson of forgiveness for my x-husband. Dave’s poem just really puts it all into perspective for me.

Still …after all the lessons and trials God has allowed me to go through to teach me about forgiving others…I still struggle with instant forgiveness. I have to keep my eyes on Jesus and lean hard on the Holy Spirit to assist me until I can experience the freedom for my soul and mind for the situation I found myself in. I think I’m not real good at this because I keep getting lots of these type of lessons LOL! forgiveness 2

How many times do we need to forgive others? Matthew 18: 21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. That’s a whole lot of forgiving. Well let me get a head start for my next test! LOL!


The Wife of My Youth

I lift up the wife of my youth
the mother and nurturer of the
Children she’s borne
she is singularly precious to me
Even though from each other
our hearts have been torn

For all we have shared in the past
the memory of which will always last
I bless her in Jesus’ Name
for His grace and His mercy
have embraced all the pain

The separate lives we now live
Devoid of the chaos that strife used to give
are His to lead and to guide
For in His loving-kindness we
chose to abide

In His presence, His joy is my proof
and I lift up the wife
of my youth                              

David C. Ridgeway


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Ask God for anything… Really?




John 14:14  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.Joni-Eareckson-Tada

We should pray with faith believing that God can do the thing we ask for. We MUST pray in God’s will. All answers to prayer will bring God glory. Gods will for us is what God thinks is for our good….in our best interest.  Joni Erikson Tada has been paralyzed for most of her life. In spite of her illness she has done tremendous things for God. If she had not gone through the accident that caused her paralysis, I really don’t think her life would have bought God as much glory if any at all. A second benefit of her illness is that in heaven she will be greatly rewarded for all she has done and for all she has had to endure and yet kept the faith. Her suffering has benefitted her greatly in ways that we can never fully understand in this life. Philippians 1:29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,

An Oswald Chambers quote – “If you are going to be used by God, He will take you through a number of experiences that are not meant for you personally at all. They are designed to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what takes place in the lives of others.”

Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 

Knowing that all things work together for our good and knowing that what God has planned for us in heaven is so mind blowing, I think Joni got the better end of deal. What God has planned for her eternal future far outweighs her present pain. You see…we don’t really get God and we really can’t. One day we will completely understand and until then we must press on in this life and we must endure no matter what.

I told God one day that I think that He is a little strange because with God pain and suffering is good and we are to count it all joy. This is a hard concept to process. I said to Him if I was God I would give everybody everything they wanted. But I had to think about myself with this line of thinking. I raised 6 children and I didn’t let my kids have everything they wanted because I didn’t want them to turn out spoiled and narcissistic. God is a far better parent than to let that happen to us!! So what is praying in God’s will? Joni-Eareckson-Tada2When you know His word and you have abided in Him you know what His will is. My kids knew better than to ask me for $200.00 for a pair of new sneakers. I know better than to ask God for a Rolls Royce! Know God, know His word, know how to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit and you’ll have a better chance of praying in God’s will.

What we think is best for us might have a negative outcome and could really be bad for us in the long run. God’s best for us might seem like a negative outcome especially if it involves some form of suffering but He always has our best interest in the forefront it will have an excellent outcome for sure! We should remember that we can ask God for anything at any time.  In this way we let Him know that we trust our Father God and look to Him for our support and help. It also keeps us stay encouraged knowing that a supernatural God is responsible for ALL that concerns us and He will answer when we call on Him.



Racism…my thoughts and prayer



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Color is made up of a pigment called melanin and without this humans would all be the racism 9same color. I’m black and 64 years old.   Because of aging I have developed many very dark brown spots on my skin. I also have some spots on my skin where I’m losing melanin and I have spots of completely white skin. I’m amazed at the very dark spots and very white spots because it shows the contrast in different skin tones.


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Skin only makes up about 12% of a person’s total body weight. People are losing their lives and fighting over 12% of who they are. Underneath the 12% of our skin we are all the same. Everyone’s blood is red, our organs are the same color and the tissue under the skin is the same color.


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Chicken eggs come in white and brown. The shell is a small part of the egg. Once you break that egg open it’s the same. It contains a yoke and an egg white. No difference in taste or make-up.

All humans come from God first and our souls are sent down to earth and are produce through man and women’s union. The parents you got is what you got. You could be any color but you are who are.

When I was a little girl I thought people got their color from a unique way. I thought…God has big tubs of skin colors and when a baby was born God took the baby and dipped him in the color that matched the parents color. Then He put them on their hands and feet to dry that’s why our hands and feet have less color. Only in a childs mind! LOL!

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I was born at a time when a person’s dark skin was a problem in society. My father and mother came from the south and lived in times of segregation. My parents told me stories of what they went through and what their parents endured.  My dad even  saw a man who had been lynched.  I saw a lot of racial occurrences on TV and have experienced it for myself in various ways. I got to the point as a child that I didn’t even want to be black because I thought black was bad. It has taken years for me to learn to be grateful for who God designed me to be.

To see that skin color is still an issue today in 2016 is not surprising to me. I do know this is not what God wants for humanity. Jesus sums it all up in this verse. John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Dionne Warwick sang a song in 1967 called “What the world needs now”.

What the world needs now is love sweet love, It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. What the world needs now is love sweet love, No not just for some but for everyone.

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The world really does need love… but most of all the world needs Jesus Christ! This is the way to spread that kind of powerful love.

The Bible says this: Acts 17:26 From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands.

Adam was the first man and then all  humanity came from him. Over time God allowed different features and skin tones to develop. We all came from one man and we all are the same internally.

The government cannot make us all get along, community groups can’t make us get along and religion can’t make us get along. There is only one person who through His example and teachings can that can accomplish this and that is Jesus Christ. And that is only if we obey what it says in the book His Father gave us to follow… the Bible.

This is my personal plan about how I deal with racism:

  1. Forgiveness is what is always in the fore front in my mind for anyone who has any negativity against me, my family and friends for any reason.
  2. I will pray continuously for peace, love and unity. I will pray for any kind of violence to stop. I will pray against senseless killings of any kind for any reason. I will pray for people who hate.
  3. I will let my light shine on anyone I come into contact with to show the love of God. In this way I can spread Jesus love on others. I will try to do random acts of kindness on others as much as possible.
  4. I will be bold in my witness to anyone I come into contact with. The more people who know the gospel of Jesus Christ the more love can be spread.
  5. I will look for opportunities for fence mending. I will try to make a difference where I can.

I live in the real world and know that there are many who may not want to sing Cum-ba-ya with me…but if I can affect one person and others can affect one person then we can have a powerful affect in this world.

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As I said this is my personal plan. I know racism is a huge problem and it will take a lot more help than my little personal plan but if everyone can do their part…. Racism has been around a long time and it runs very deep. It can take generations to overcome just some of it. But if each generation pitches in… it can help it not to be as explosive as it’s heading for.

Mathew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Luke 6:27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,


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The Worlds “New Normal”



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When I was in labor I was like….”Oh NO! Not the excruciating pain part of this pregnancy!!!” I know what I’m talking about…I was pregnant 5 times! After that first wave of pain you’re not a happy camper. In fact I was more stressed during the 5th time when I felt the labor pains because I knew what I was getting ready to face. Although I knew that I was about to experience the great joy I really didn’t care about that in the midst of all that pain. Labor pains are the some of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced. That’s why women scream their dag gone brains out. You will yell…”MAKE IT STOP”!!!!!!new normal 1

Romans 8:22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

Matthew 24:8 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, as well as famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.

We are ALL experiencing some degree of this pain!! Earthquakes, tsunami’s, hurricanes, Tornado’s, floods, fire’s,9/11,many mass shooting, accidents, parents killing children, children killing parents, aids, rise in cancer, terrorism, racism, job loss, economic instability, viral breakouts and so on.new normal 2

This is all very surreal and disturbing to us, but since these are biblical predictions that are coming to past we will have to learn how to deal with the “new normal”!!!

How do we deal with the new normal?

  1. We need to abide (remain, dwell) in Jesus Christ. John 15: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. Unless you do this you will be swallowed up by fear and anxiety. You will become spiritually weak. You also risk not being in the right place with God and this could result in reduced blessings.new normal 5
  2. The minute anything happens or you have a need do this: 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Give ALL you cares, anxiety and worries over to the Lord!!! None of us are equip to deal with heavy burdens for extended periods of time without relief. God never intended that for us. Jesus is the burden bearer! If you are God’s child because you believe in Jesus Christ and His death and resurrection then you have “supernatural burden assistance“! If you’re not God’s child then you must bare suffering, pain, and heavy burdens all by yourself. You get no supernatural help, relief or comfort. Only the limited help money, a doctor, lawyer or a judge can help you with.new normal 7
  3. Stay prayed up. That means keep up you relationship by communicating with the Lord all day and night every day. Don’t wait until something happens and then pray. God is not Aladdin…He’s not a genie in a bottle that you rub and out pops your wish.
  4. Don’t be scared to die! If you perish you perish because… Paul said “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;” new normal 9Philippians 1:23. When Stephen was being murdered He saw a beautiful sight. Acts 7:55-56 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” I think most people are afraid of being hurt or dying but I tell you the Holy Spirit is inside of you and He will be there until your time on earth is over. He will be a comfort to you even up to the very last second of your life. It seems like terror is threatening us everywhere. We should go on living our lives to the fullest because it is well with our soul. Psalms 118:6-8 6 The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? 7 The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I look in triumph on my enemies. 8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans.new normal 3
  5. Try really, really, really hard to tell others about Jesus Christ. This is the great commission from the Lord to us all. This is what God has commanded us to do. Be inventive! Be approachable! Give your testimony about what God has done for you. Have it all ready to go. Be prepared. Carry a tract, bookmark, a little cross, church bulletin or anything to hand someone. Invite acquaintances over or out for a cup of coffee. PEOPLE NEED THE LORD!!!
  6. Make a big effort to read your bible. Buy a new one that you can understand and relate to. There are so many good study bibles out there.
  7. Begin every morning with prayer for traveling mercies and safety for your whole family! I can tell you this has REALLY helped my husband and I have peace of mind every day. We have seen God do many miracles because of our morning prayers.new normal 4
  8. Learn to stop saying why God why? Instead say….”Whoa God Whoa! (It’s ok to say whoa God LOL!) I’m like Whoa God that was something! I know you will help me with this situation!” When you get on the big rollercoaster at the park you don’t yell at the guy who turned on the ride.   As terrifying as it was you just yelled “whoa!” Well sometimes life with is terrifying. Go ahead and yell out “Whoa God! This is a crazy situation but look God my hands are up in the air showing you I’m trusting you.” “I’m buckled in this wild ride and it may swing me from side to side but I know you’ll be with me all the way. Whoa!”
  9. Love God no matter what!!!!! Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;
  10. I love the serenity Prayer:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next. Amen.

(Written by: Reinhold Niebuhr 1892-1971)

Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 

new normal 6Hang in there Ya’ll!!!                                                                                                                                     

My talk with God this morning



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As I was talking to you this morning God and I was telling you how much I love you… I was so overwhelmed as usual that I just wanted to be where you are. I love you more than my husband and children!  I just can’t stop thinking about you and I won’t stop thinking about you! I love you with my whole heart, mind, body and my soul. If I had my choice I’d be right at your throne kissing your feet.love God 7

I see you God…but I don’t. Can touch you God…but I can’t. I know where you are…but I don’t. I feel that close to you but I’m here and you’re there. I see you God…I really see….you in my spirit! You God make me feel your very breath from your mouth on my face mysteriously and supernaturally. This is what gives me the strength I need every day to keep going under the stress of my humanity. Your love is what gives me reason to get up every morning and want to take my next breath. Your love makes me want to tell others about your incredible gifts of forgiveness, salvation and eternal life. Your love has introduced me to your precious Son Jesus and the other wonderful person (Holy Spirit) who has guided me and comforted throughout my spiritual journey.love God 5

I cried so hard this morning when I felt your love for me. I had big tears that dripped down my face and wet up my clothes. I begged you to collect my tears and keep them close to you as a reminder that your children down here do really love you!

God…I believe everything in your word. It’s so real to me because of your love. Your love draws me like blessed oil. I get my bottle of blessed oil out and I pour it all over myself and bath myself in your love. It makes me smell so good so I go out and try to let others smell your goodness, mercy and love. Some love the smell and others are offended by the scent…but I just go back to you and get more blessed oil so I can go out and smell up this world with it.love God 2

God you are so incredible that I just can’t keep all your goodness inside me. The joy that I feel in my soul is so powerful. It has been a healing balm to my mind and heart. When I don’t get enough of you… I start to feel sick. There has even been times when I just didn’t know if I was gonna make it. But I know how to refresh my soul with your love and I get well again. I know that nothing will or can ever separate me from your love!! love God 1

I wish everyone knew about what your love can do. Your Son Jesus told us that the greatest commandment is to love you. Boy did Jesus give us the best advice! He knew what humanity needed and what I needed!

I want to thank Jesus and the Holy Spirit for all they’ve done to lead me to you. And God….I love you so very much!!

Your overwhelmed with your presence daughter,



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God I love you so much!  Save my good tears.  They’re for you!



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Why God all this DRAMA?

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Even before the Orlando Florida mass shooting I have smelled the stench of death in the air. I’ve never smelled that in real life but somehow I can smell it in my spirit. Its odor is lingering in the air over this entire world. For days I’ve been praying and knew that I had to write something…but what could possibly be said at this point? This year has been surreal so far because of how many people have been killed in mass shootings and singularly. The damage from natural disasters, flood, fires and accidents is off the charts. There is so much cancer that it’s mind blowing. New viruses, food contaminations and recalls are a constant threat. Just this morning on the news it was reported that a new superbug has been discovered that is resistant to all antibiotics. This is terrifying!

I’m disturbed by all this but not surprised because God spoke to me about all these things in 2008. This is the blog that I wrote about Gods plans: https://godspeaks-i-listen.com/2011/06/23/message-given-to-me-by-the-lord-in-2008-put-on-your-spiritual-ears/.

As I have been praying for days for a message to share I felt in my spirit to pray for mercy and God led me to read Daniels prayer.drama 5

Daniel 9:17-19 “Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. 18 Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. 19 Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your Name.” (Please read Daniel 9:1-19 for the full prayer.)

This is a time for the righteous to cry out to the Lord for mercy. This is the answer for the problems humanity faces right now. We need mercy for ourselves, our family, our country and this world.drama 8

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Mercy is God having compassion on humanity.

…“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. “Romans 9:15drama 2

Another thing that will help in these tumultuous days is the second commandment that Jesus told us to do. John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

In USA in 2015 75% of American identify themselves as Christians. That could be lots of loving that could affect a lot of people. There were only 12 well trained disciples. There is the Holy Spirit. What can you and I do for the kingdom of God? The bible has our direct orders. Matthew 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

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Why is all this drama going on now?

  1. It was predicted in the bible. 2 Timothy 3:1-4 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God…
  2. Romans 1:28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 2 Thessalonians 2:11 For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie.
  3. The God of the Old testament Judged Sodom and Gomorrah and the victims of the great flood in Noah’s days. Malachi 3: “For I, the LORD, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed. 7From the days of your fathers you have turned aside from My statutes and have not kept them. Return to Me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD of hosts. “But you say, ‘How shall we return?’…drama 3

If you follow my blog you’ve heard me say this many times…”God don’t play”!!!! God is not playing with us. I use to tell my kids that they were wearing out my patience! I would say stop trying me or you’re gonna get it. When they keep it up they got punishment because I didn’t want them to grow up and be out of control. I didn’t want them to grow up and do bad things so I was firm and consistent in my training. People use to say that I held no prisoners. The kids in the neighborhood use to call me the mean machine! My kids had to follow the rules or else…trouble. I did this because I loved them so much! I can so that I have 6 of the greatest adult children!!!

Those scripture above are NOT my thoughts or my words. I am not even gonna try to defend Gods ways because He is God all by Himself and all rules plans and judgements are in His hands alone. We all make choices for our individual actions and we have to answer to God for our personal decisions. But we also all suffer the consequences of humanities actions of disobedience when people break Gods order of things. His world, His creation and His rules!





I know what God requires of me and I’m doing my best to do what the bible says to do. Well I try to! I’m not perfect but I’m prayerfully trying hard with the help of the Holy Spirit.

I will ponder all that’s going on and I have and will continue to intercede in prayer for this world.

I will NOT be fearful but will do this…. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrew 4:16

We need MERCY. This is the word that I hear very clearly.

What we should do:

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Why we should do it:

Ephesians 6:11-12  Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

How we can do it:

John 16:13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

These kind of events are NOT going away! This is our new normal.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Psalms 27:1-4

Dear Heavenly Father, Glory to your Holy name! All honor and praise belongs to you. Holy Father I want to ask you to forgive me for not trusting you as much as I should and for the doubts that I’ve had about what you can do for me when I ask for help. Forgive me for being silent about life issues that I know you oppose which is straight up sin because it goes against your word. Forgive me for all the many times I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to speak to someone and I felt more comfortable keeping silent. Oh God I’m so sorry! I want to and need to be clean inside. I know the prayers of a righteous person can do a lot of good for this suffering world, country, my community, my home and my house whole. Help me to follow the example in what to do that your precious, loving and caring Son provided for me to follow. I want to be just like Him!

Father God….please please please have mercy on us all. We need you! God there are humbled hearts everywhere down here. There are intercessors praying and pleading on behave of this world that’s in the travails of labor. Here our cry and have mercy on us!

Thank you for creating us, thank you for sending your Son Jesus Christ so we can be put right with you. Thank you for past victories, present victories and future victories! You are the great “I AM” and I know you can and will handle all I may go through and I know you will answer my prayers. That’s why I am before you crying for you to have mercy on us!!! I boldly ask these things in Jesus name. Amen!

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