church hurt 1


John 13:35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I hear the words “church hurt” so frequently that I wanted to talk about it since I’m well acquainted with the term. It’s not a good feeling to experience church hurt because people become like family so when there is a problem in this relationship it can cut very deeply. Let’s first explain what church hurt is. It’s when the leadership, people in spiritual authority or church members knowing or unknowingly cause heartache to another member. This can be done by words, by slighting or backstabbing. It’s very painful to endure and can deeply affect the person, their family and friends. It can even lead to a church split.

It seems that this common trend is happening more and more. It’s a very old trick that the devil uses to divide the body of Christ and causes disunity. So this is in fact a spiritual battle. This problem is so common that I’m sure there would be enough books to fill a football stadium. The same enemy that affected the first humans and tried to separate them from God forever is the same enemy that is trying to separate us from God and each hurt

What are some of the reasons one would cause church hurt?

  1. Jealousy
  2. Needing to be in control
  3. Lack of love
  4. The person doing the hurting is really a non-Christian
  5. Lack of obedience to the word of God/ lack of fear of God
  6. Power hungry, prideful and arrogant
  7. The person has mental issues
  8. Poor training or leadership abilities
  9. Trouble maker/bully
  10. Rebellious spirit

Whatever the reason it is not appropriate in the house of the Lord.

We must remember that God gave the church to Jesus and Jesus must be at the forefront of everything in our lives including our place of worship. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. Colossian 1:18

How we act reflects on Jesus. Jesus is the head of the church and not only does church misbehaving cause disunity in the body but it does a much more damaging thing. It’s a very poor example to the children of the church because they can sense what’s going on and it can lead a lasting impression on them. Plus it’s very damaging for trying to win souls to the Lord.

church hurt 2

Many years ago I invited an unsaved family member to my church and they picked up on the choir mess. They took note of the rolling of eyes in the choir, the whispering and such. What they told me was what I knew to being going on in the choir at that time. Many people dropped out of the choir and even left the church because of the choir mess.

I can tell you for sure that God is not pleased with this stuff at all because of this scripture verse:

1 John 4:20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

Everything that Jesus Christ had ever done in His brief earthly life was motivated by Love. His love for His Father and His love for us!!! Everything I do in my life is also motivated by my love for my Father God. I want so much to please Him and I know the only way to do anything for Him is out of Love for Him and love for my neighbor. I admit I don’t always get this right or do it well but I can tell you that my motivational force is to please the Lord.

I’m going to keep it real simple here because this is not a complicated concept that God has given us to follow and do.

church hurt 3

These two scripture verses sums up what God expects and demands from us:

  1. John 14:15 “If you love me, keep my commands.
  2. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Now as I always say…”God don’t play”. This is what He has to say about you if you behave un-Christian like:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I ain’t gonna say nothin’ behind God’s word here! I know you get it….I hope.

church hurt 4

What can I do about this problem?


Now if this unfortunate thing called “church hurt “does happen to you…What can you do or what are your alternatives?

  1. Do this: (love)

But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6: 26-27

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9

  1. Do this too: (forgive)

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

    3. Do this also: (pray)

 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:28

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.1 Peter 5:7



Talk to the leadership about the problem. If the leadership is the problem you will have to pray to see if the Lord wants you to confront them. Maybe the alternative solution is for you to leave the ministry after a period of time of trying to work things out. It’s a difficult thing anyway you look at it. So very wisely try to resolve this problem.


Now that you have come to the conclusion after much prayer and you feel you have to leave…what now? As crushed as you feel I’m sure you’ll need someone to talk this over with just so you can release your hearts pain…but be very wise and find a trusted Christian friend not in your same circle of past church friends and just share and pray. You will really need this if you’re not married because married couples have each other to cry the blues with.

church hurt 5

Pray for God’s guidance and look for the Holy Spirit’s leading


Start researching about other churches or ministries that you can attend until you find something else that will suit your needs. Look on line and ask friends for suggestions. Don’t be in a hurry to join a new ministry but be wise and pay attention to what your needs are, the doctrine and the overall vibe of the body. Remember everyone’s very nice at first. Take your time…ask questions and be discerning without going into FBI mode.

Nobody ever forgets past heartaches, hurts and pains…it kinda stays with you….forever…but you can get PAST it for sure. You need to build on your love for the Lord and keep it moving.

Jesus was dissed by His earthly friends and followers big time… but what did He say at His death… “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do”. As they were painfully killing Stephen in the bible he said this… “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.”


There is a lot of work to be done in the kingdom of God so let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Hang in there!! Don’t faint!


church hurt6

Come on…get your booty off that floor and get out there and press forward.  You can do this!




church hurt 7