This is what I used to say about myself when I was a young child. I felt like I was not only stupid but ugly and lazy. I believed these lies that the devil put in my young mind. How did it get there? Well…I did very poorly in school. The teachers used to say to my parents…”Tanya is smart but she’s just lazy.” When I did my school work I didn’t understand the work. I could not comprehend reading and forget about math… D’s and F’s were my standard grades. By the 4th grade they were going to leave me back, but my parents begged them not to. I struggled and got bad grades all the way to high school but managed to graduate….thank God!
Not!
By the time I was 12 or 13 years old I was thinking of suicide and attempted one time and thought of it every day. In my mind I felt that I was a mistake and that God let babies be born without limbs so I must have been born without brains. I thought I was ugly because of my front teeth and mouth. Every time I looked in the mirror I thought I looked like a monster…deformed. I was told I looked like a monkey. I was always very tired my whole life and never cleaned my room…just so lazy. I had very few friends and I’m sure if the word geek or dweeb was used back then…I would have been one. I wanted somebody…anybody to accept me for me…but why would they…I’m stupid I thought… a mistake.
When I married my husband James I used to tell him that I was stupid. He would get so angry and would ALWAYS tell me how smart I was. He has been so instrumental in helping me realize that… God made me special!
The year 1984 was a big year for me. It was the year that I learned that I was not stupid…it was the year I committed myself to the Lord….It was the year that God made me over. The first thing God told me was… when I hated the way I looked…that I was hating what He made. He said He doesn’t look at people that way. He said our spiritman is beautiful and He see’s that and He see’s our heart. He doesn’t judge us by our outer appearance. He told me to love myself…Even though I was overweight…He said for me to love every inch of myself.
Over the years I have figured out that I have a learning disability and that’s why I did poorly in school. I also have a rare medical disorder that has caused me to suffer with chronic fatigue and health issue my whole life and this is the reason for the tiredness…not laziness.
I FINALLY FIGURED OUT THAT…I AM NOT STUPID AND I AM NOT A MISTAKE!!!!!! God gave me my life and God gave me a beautiful soul. He created me from His heart. How can I tell Him that He made a bad thing…I can’t. When God told me to love myself because He made me special…it took me some time to process this information. With His help I began to see myself through His eyes. I felt better about myself. The Lord has used my husband to help me over the years to keep up this positive attitude. The enemy’s deceptions can easily creep back in so I have to constantly abide in God and His word which shields me from the lies.
About my blog…it’s a real live miracle!!! I had zero skills for writing anything at all. I hate to read and I get confused when trying to do internet stuff…but I’ve been able to figure how to do my blog all by myself….my kids and husband didn’t even have to help me. I’m so amazed!!! It’s a miracle!! My husband is so amazed because He knows it’s a miracle. Can you all see what God is doing in my life? Do you want to know why? I’ll tell you anyway (smile)….I want to tell others about the many lessons I have learned in my years of learning at the feet of Jesus. I’ve been through so much and the Lord has given me so many victories. I also pray a lot and want to write messages when God gives me an inspiration to share.
Look what God can do through the life of a little girl who though she was stupid. I never was stupid…I was always what God destined me to be. I’m God’s child and He created me to give Him praise. So today I give Him all the praise for what He’s done in my life. He took a woman who didn’t know the first thing about writing and gave her the ability to take words and form them into sentences and then paragraphs and then into a…blog. God spoke-I Listened!
Dear God,
Thank you so much for straightening out my mind and taking away the negative thoughts that tried erase away your plans for my life. Thank you for not letting me destroy my own life. Thank you for blessing me with new abilities that I didn’t think I was capable of achieving. Please continue to work in my life and use me. Please let what I have been through encourage someone else who might have those same destructive thoughts. Let people see that you can make a big change in people’s lives if they commit themselves to you and that anything is possible with you in our lives. Thank you for creating me. I love you.
Your daughter the writer
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Message for today: Never believe the devils lies!!!
God Speaks I Listen 